This week Beyonce gave me clarity on Womanhood, Wifehood, and Motherhood.
I downloaded the album on itunes early Friday morning. I was ready for some feel good music, but what I got was a wake up call. Song after song, lyric after lyric Beyonce told me about myself. I hadn’t taken into consideration many of the lessons she was about to school me on. She gave me clarity on three major topics of my life. Things that I reflect on from time to time, but this time of year I am always thinking about my year as a whole and what could have been better and what I accomplished. This year I hit some professional milestones, while I had some personal failures as I see them. Every lesson is a blessing.
Beyonce on Womanhood
The debate over the last six days has been on everything from Beyonce being a feminist to her being a woman basher for using the word bitch (gasp). I don’t subscribe to the Gloria Steinem newsletter, but I believe women are capable of some powerful ish when we put our minds to it.
Yet sometimes our emotions get the best of us. And no matter how strong, mighty, powerful, and ambitious we are we still need the validation from the people we love the most. In her song Jealous, Beyonce hits this complexity square on the head. Lyrics that talked about making her man (husband) Jealous. That as a wife she’s never broke a promise, but that she is often jealous because of the lack of respect. After cooking half naked (ouch: four words: hot grease bare skin).
I would be angry as hell also that he didn’t come home. Call. Check in. Be excited to rush home to partake in the meal I just slaved over, again NAKED.
Beyonce also knows that it is okay to be a woman. A curvy woman who has sexual needs. There are a lot of lyrics and euphemisms for sex in the album. There were lots of ass shots (more than I needed), but I get it. As American women we are often shamed for riding the line between wanting to be sexy and showing everything and being covered and not feel sexy in our own skin. This is a hell we put each other in.
So I give a high five for a woman who is willing and ready to show off her bad ass body. Trust if that was my body. Booty shots would fill my Instagram also. You have been warned.
Beyonce on Wifehood
If you did not know. I was a wife once. I have been divorced for a few years now. Beyonce taught me I needed to be a better wife. I know I was a great wife, but my wifehood was plagued with issues. A husband wants you to surrender to his needs. I was never really good at that. A husband needs the same sex kitten you were before kids spit up on your favorite work skirt. I started this blog almost 3 year ago because I was an unhappy wife. Working my ass off. Coming home to a lot of hurt, turmoil, and resentment. The last thing I wanted to do was be his play thang. This is me being honest. That was on me. In this album Beyonce pulls back the curtain on her inner Mrs. Carter freak in Rocket. Hey let your freak flag fly with your husband. Most chicks is letting it fly with every random they can think of. There aren’t any books that help you navigate this path. The transition from girlfriend to wife is difficult journey and it is complex and scary. Partition is all about making that husband happy. The chorus tells the story of how she just wants to be the kind of girl he likes. That what he is searching for is right at home. No need to go elsewhere.
Beyonce on Motherhood
You have to really listen. Beyonce lyrically reveals that it isn’t all love and sex in the car. There are some rough spots to her storied life with Mr. Carter. In the song Mine, she says that there is talk of separation and that she hasn’t felt the same since having the baby.
God, life will change you. Children are a blessing. But no matter how much money you have, you are stressed out by the dramatic changes that happen in your life when you have a baby. In her song Heaven Beyonce also tells the story of her miscarriage. I learned I was pregnant with babygirl after having a dramatic miscarriage of her twin. I did not know I was even pregnant. That period in my life was immediately changed. One day it was just me and the next I lost one of the twins I was carrying. It will change you. It will test you. It will challenge your faith in God. Beyonce talks about how that time in her life was very difficult. She taught me that it is about the joy that one baby brings and the bittersweet lost of the child who was needed in heaven. Your motherhood is in direct competition with your marriage. Your relationship with the man who gave you this life altering experience also doesn’t fully understand what is different with you because he didn’t experience the physical life change that women experience daily. The constant reminder that our lives will never be the same again.
Becoming a mother focused me more than anything I have ever experienced. I wanted to show my daughter that I was more than just a wife. I had ambition and accomplished more than changing my last name.
Beyonce gave me clarity on Womanhood, Wifehood, and Motherhood. She isn’t afraid to be sexy. She lyrically shares the complexity of being a modern woman. For all of that I thank you Beyonce. It was totally worth the $15.99 for this therapy session.